Parenting Through Anxiety: Our Journey with ADHD, ARFID, and Cyclical Vomiting
One of the hardest parts of parenting for me is managing my child’s anxiety. While she doesn’t have an official anxiety diagnosis, it’s always present—a constant, underlying layer that feeds into everything else she struggles with. Along with her ADHD diagnosis, my daughter also has ARFID and cyclical vomiting.
ARFID, or Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, is extreme picky eating caused by sensory issues. But for her, it’s more than just picky eating. It’s a deep-rooted fear of food, especially anything new. Imagine being deathly afraid of heights—your heart races, your anxiety skyrockets, and it feels impossible to control. That’s how my daughter feels about food. For her, trying something new isn’t just uncomfortable—it’s terrifying. (For more information about ARFID, check out this site.)
To make things even more challenging, she also suffers from cyclical vomiting, which involves intense bouts of vomiting often triggered by migraines. These episodes come out of nowhere—typically starting around midnight—and last all night, with persistent vomiting. It’s heartbreaking to witness, and understandably, her anxiety soars during these episodes. But it’s not just when she’s actually sick. Now, she constantly worries about when it will happen again. Even the slightest stomach discomfort can send her into a spiral of anxiety, which only makes her feel worse. It’s a vicious cycle we’re trying to break.
Her anxiety also affects her school life. She often struggles with school avoidance, especially on Sunday nights when the thought of the week ahead triggers her worries. This anxiety carries into the mornings, despite having a solid morning routine that helps her cope. On days when she doesn’t feel 100%, her anxiety spirals further. She says things like, “Is this going to lead to cyclical vomiting? I don’t want to be sick at school!” That fear and focus only make her feel worse. And when her anxiety peaks, her ARFID worsens, and she doesn’t want to eat, creating an even bigger challenge.
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Both my husband and I work full-time, so when her anxiety flares up, it’s difficult for us to manage. We can’t keep taking days off, but I also don’t want her to think she can stay home every time she feels off. To set boundaries, we’ve established a rule: she has to have a fever or be actively throwing up to stay home. But even with this guideline, I often feel torn. I want to support and connect with her, but I also don’t want to enable her anxiety by letting her avoid school too easily.
This is my personal struggle. Some days I feel like I’m doing an amazing job as a mother; other days are just plain hard. I don’t have answers in this post, but one reason I created my blog was to share both the lessons I’ve learned and the challenges I face. So please, don’t judge mama!
As I reflect on these struggles while writing, I remind myself to focus on the bigger picture. The most important thing is maintaining our connection and helping my child grow into a healthy, loving, and capable young woman. We’ll get through this—one step at a time.
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